Sunday, March 18, 2012

crossroads of life

i am there yet again or so i think. Rahul's nanny's husband is not keeping well and she has requested for a month off of which 15 days are already complete. she has promised to be back on April 1st. we did have a thought of replacing her with a new one but the reviews she got from people in the apartment as far as taking care of rahul beat any other criteria and so we decided to drop the idea at that. Also now that rahul is a bit old he has begun to identify family members, people who are close to the family and people to whom he is close to. plus he has started play school just a couple of months back. so didn't want to thrust too many changes on him at this point. So requested my office for a 3 week off which i managed to get after a bit of initial reluctance on their part. But i stood my ground and told them that this would get my priority and they finally understood that i wasn't going to budge.

I am enjoying this forced break. I say forced because while i am in a job i know for a fact that i wouldn't take a month off just to spend time with Rahul. but this break has been nice and refreshing in its own way. i do the usual household work in the morning, drop rahul in school, do some groceries or miscellaneous shopping, have a shower and again pick up rahul from school, feed him, out him to sleep, have my lunch and indulge in some hobbies of mine, take him for a walk in the evening, wait for D to come back so that we can spend that quality time as family. Its nice. of course there are gloomy days. coupled with my PMS its not a great combination but then i survived those days too. inhaled and exhaled and just let is pass. D has been very understanding in giving me some time for myself. whether it was talking to my friend M on a long distance call for almost two hours or taking Rahul for a walk on weekends to have some time for myself - he has been there. I am liking this break for now. I am thinking that it could work on a long run - may be i can take a sabbatical for 6 months till rahul starts full time school. D knows that i am harboring this idea as well. the new team, the new office location none of it is in my favour. but D wants me to give it a shot and thinks i am prejudiced which indeed i am. i want to be right here where work and family are perfectly balanced in all aspects. i don't want the status quo to to change. I am on a very high level of de-motivation as far as work is concerned that i even refuse to move a muscle in my finger towards that. this same attitude will definitely stop me from taking that extra step to overcome any hurdles at the new place. I have mentally prepared to be a SAHM and i will resort to that option as fall back for issues that i face. As my date of joining comes nearer i am really anxious, apprehensive and worried all at the same time. but this too shall pass *inhale and exhale* and whatever happens in the end i hope i get what i want.